


Ki no Uni 4

by et0et0



Category: Ni no Kuni II: Revenant Kingdom (Video Game)
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, OOC, Swearing, Very. ooc, first fic in this fandom and its crack lets gooooo, i swear ive been a nnk fan for years please dont banish me to the shadow realm, oh yeah btw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:14:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28022238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/et0et0/pseuds/et0et0
Summary: Suddenly, Leander charged over the hillside, donuts under his arms. “Holy shit she’s coming-“ he was just barely able to whisper out, before the mountain exploded as Tani ran through it.“WHERE THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING WITH MY DONUTS?”-In which my friend and I wrote our first crackfic via alternating between who would write the sentence. I'm pretty certain this was a mistake.
Relationships: Tani & Donuts
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	Ki no Uni 4

**Author's Note:**

> Look I KNOW you guys are content-starved and I really shouldn't be teasing this fandom with a crackfic but. We chose a random source material out of our favorites and it ended up being this. I am............... so, so sorry.
> 
> Enjoy :D!!!!!

Evan stared down at Roland from the rock he stood on. ‘ _Pathetic, that man._ ’

Roland stared back up at the Evan from the ground he stood on. ‘ _Pathetic, that grimalkin._ ’

Evan readied his wand, preparing to strike. ‘ _How dare he think the same thing I do,_ ’ he bitterly noted.

Roland readied his gun, preparing to strike. ‘ _How dare he think the same thing I do,_ ’ he bitterly noted.

They were about to engage in Mortal Combat, right before they heard a shout from across the plain:

“LEANDER STOLE MY FUCKING DONUTS.” Both boy and man realized who had just cried: Tani.

“Fuck,” Roland muttered. “British ‘people’ are already high on my hit-list, but white girls… are even higher.”

“Seems we have a common enemy, old man,” Evan grunted from atop the boulder that somehow hadn’t fallen yet.

“Who the fuck are you calling an old man, cat-boy?”

“You,” Evan responded, though obvious.

Suddenly, Leander charged over the hillside, donuts under his arms. “ _Holy shit she’s coming-_ “ he was just barely able to whisper out, before the mountain exploded as Tani ran through it.

“WHERE THE _HELL_ DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING WITH MY DONUTS?”

Tani casted Plunder on Leander, but the RNG wasn’t on her side, so all she got in return was some guilders. Damn. That bitch was rich, stealing his money wasn’t going to do shit.

Roland fired six bullets in Tani’s direction, but all they did was bounce off of her skin.

“Gotta blast, old man,” Evan said, before chasing Leander, for he, too, wanted Tani’s donuts. They were vanilla sprinkle, the best kind.

‘ _That kid has terrible taste in donuts,_ ’ Roland thought, before attempting to tackle the young sky pirate, as his previous round of bullets had failed. This endeavor had also ultimately failed, just like all of Evan’s goals, before he was knocked to the ground, unconscious. He couldn’t feel his spleen.

Tani had no interest in further damaging Roland, as the donuts were her main priority. Using the power of God and Anime, she charged at Evan and Leander, at inhuman speeds.

Tani ran so fast, just like her favorite Vocaloid, Miku’s Sonic the Hedgehog module, that when she ran past the duo, they got warped into the 5th dimension.

‘ _Goodbye, Evermore, and hello donuts.’_

With Roland’s spleen gone, he had lost all of his power. He then was forced to respond to Tani’s every beck and call, making donuts for the rest of time.

What with Evan and Leander banished, and the only two others now forced to be her loyal servants, Tani became the new ruler of Evermore. Every citizen had left to move to Ding Dong Dell, because at this point, even that pit would be better than this mess, but no matter. Who needed civilians when you had an infinite supply of donuts?

**Author's Note:**

> Funfact I wrote this in comic sans bc my friend told me to  
> You can thank him for the title too :^)


End file.
